i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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