I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
