I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
