I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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