what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sext me about skeletons
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
