it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
