His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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