Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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