I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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