btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I want a musical about memes.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
