My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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