My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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