finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
