after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
