he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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