i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
