He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
