had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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