By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
