someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
