I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he thought i was a dude.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
