you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
