I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
