Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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