Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This is the high leading the old right now
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
