Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
