I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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