Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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