My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I want a musical about memes.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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