He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
