What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
