that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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