just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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