no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize