You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
