this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
