i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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