My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
