Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
