I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
