you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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