these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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