I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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