Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
