And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
