The maid of honor just puked.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
