Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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