Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
