Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
