I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize