I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
