why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
