I heard we made out
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
