He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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