I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
