Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
