hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
