my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it glows. i had to have it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
