You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
