And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
