They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
should my penis look like a turkey
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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