Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
