You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
