Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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