Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
