the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
