everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
