I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
