Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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