you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
